Gore On Television
by starcrossed.emma
Summary: James and Lily have been dating for a while, so James and Sirius go to Lily's flat for a week. One night, James and Sirius decide to watch a scary movie. A challenge for Kitty East again.


**A/N: **Just a one-shot about Gore on Television. I'm not a horror movie person… or a soap opera person. For Kitty East ( If I owned _Harry Potter_, Ron wouldn't marry Hermione. Ick. Bad mental pictures.

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**Gore On Television**

"Lily what is this _monstrosity_?" Sirius asked as he opened his fourth can of Root Beer. Sirius and James had both gone to Lily's flat for the first week of the summer, and all of them were sitting in her living room watching TV. Lily had turned on her favorite soap opera, _Les Fontanes_, but Sirius and James were less than amused.

"Baby, I think… maybe…" James began, but stopped dead when he saw the look on his girlfriend's face. "Never mind," he said sheepishly. He and Lily had dated long enough for James to know that this soap opera was everything Lily watched during the summer holidays—and anybody who threatened the bond between her and her sofa for those two months would suffer severely.

"What?" Lily asked quietly; her voice seemed like it was on the edge of tears. "You guys don't like it?"

"Lily," James said, taking her glass of lemonade out of her hands and putting it on the table. He wrapped his arms around her and sent Sirius a glare.

"I told you guys that I'd be watching this soap every night… and," Lily sniffled, half sad that they didn't care for her show, and half sad that Margaret had broken up with Tony just five minutes before. "You said you wouldn't mind…"

"She's clearly just _tired_," Sirius humphed. "James, tell her to go to sleep."

"Lily, I really think you do need some sleep. You've been up nearly 48 hours watching this soap," James said cautiously. However, by the time he looked at his girlfriend, she was sound asleep.

"Well?" Sirius asked pointedly. "Go put her in her room. I have to explore this television."

James picked up his sleeping girlfriend and carried her slowly into her bedroom. He laid her down on her bed and covered her with her favorite quilt. He kissed her forehead and went back out to the living room, where Sirius was flipping through channels on the TV.

"Oh, now _this_ looks like a good show!" Sirius howled gleefully. He tossed the remote across the room where it slid under the oven. Sirius and James commenced watching the show.

"Padfoot, are you sure we should watch this?" James asked nervously. From what he could reason, the show was a horror story about a girl who lived in a haunted house. Her shower would spout bugs, and her dryer would hatch spider eggs. In addition, all the faucets in her house leaked blood.

"D-d-don't be s-silly, James," Sirius stuttered. "T-this is… j-just a s-sh-show."

"Sirius… you look like you're going to piss yourself."

"J-James, d-don't be s-stupid."

"OH MY GOD!" The two shouted. The girl in the show had just been attacked by a vampire. "This is hideous!"

"What the bloody hell is going on in there?" Lily shouted. "Turn that damn thing down! You were the ones that told me to go to sleep!"

"A-alright, Lily," Sirius shouted back, lowering the volume ever so slightly. "James, I… can't go to sleep tonight."

"Why not?"

"I'll _never wake up_."

"What do you mean?" James asked carefully.

"I'll get _killed_," Sirius hissed. "That _horrible_ monster will come and suck out my blood…"

"Oh, GOD!" James hissed, his eyes fixed on the TV. The monster had just emerged from the girl's room, carrying her limp body in his arms. Her chest was spewing blood, and she was clearly dead. The monster dropped her body on the floor and stepped out of her flat, seeming to be seeking more victims.

"That was… a sucky ending…" Sirius said unconvincingly. "We'd… best be off to bed, mate."

"I'll… sleep with Lily. Make sure she doesn't have a hangover?" James said nervously.

"She's only drank lemonade for the past two days."

"Then… I'll…"

"You don't think that… that _monster_ exists, do you?"

"Better safe than sorry," James reasoned.

"And when it kills _me_? Your _best mate_?"

"I see where this is going. Sirius, I'm not attracted to you like that. I don't want to sleep with you."

"You prat."

"Sorry," James smirked. "Well… what if… I dunno. Lily can manage herself. Let's pull out the couch and make a tent. And sleep in the tent, and put protective spells all over it, so that nothing can attack us."

"That sounds like a plan!" Sirius said cheerfully.

The two pushed the coffee table out of the way and discarded all the soda cans and lemonade bottles near it. Then, they took off the cushions in the couch and pulled it into a bed. After inspecting Lily's apartment carefully, they found the closet that she stored all her sheets in, and they hung all the sheets around the bed so that nobody inside the tent structure could see outside of it, nor those outside could see in.

After casting a choice selection of protective enchantments and concealment charms, the two Marauders entered their tent.

"Mate, can you conjure a huge pillow?" Sirius asked James. James obliged, and Sirius placed the pillow between them. "There. That's your side; this is mine. Let's keep it that way."

"Sounds lovely," James grinned.

"Well, 'night, Prongsie."

"Night, Sirius."

--

The next morning, James and Sirius were awoken with a bloodcurdling scream. The two sat bolt upright and looked at each other in shock.

"Lily!"

They scrambled out of their tent to see Lily standing in the doorway clutching her head.

"Lily, are you alright?!" James asked, rushing to her side.

"Where the _bloody hell_ is my couch?!"

"That…" James began. Then, he backed away. "Was all Sirius' idea."

"Mate, it's…" Sirius began before sighing in resignation. "Sorry, Lily. When you went to bed, James and I watched a scary movie on TV, and it… scared me."

"That doesn't explain where my couch is. Or why when I walked in here, my ears started _buzzing_!"

"Oh. Woops!" Sirius said, waving his wand casually. Lily took her hands off her ears and glared. "James and I made… a tent. And it was going to protect us from the monster."

"Monster," Lily raised her eyebrows.

"It was in the movie," James explained.

"I see. Well, then, I suppose that's… alright."

"Really?" Sirius asked in shock.

"Well, you didn't _lie_ to me. Sure, you proved that it was illogical for me to ever let you stay up late alone _again_…"

"Sorry," James blushed.

"But I think you learned a valuable lesson."

"We did?" Sirius asked.

"Of course. If you're given a choice to watch a soap opera or _gore_ on television," Lily said, dropping the last three words venomously. "Which would you watch?"

Sirius and James looked at each other and paused. Then, in unison, they replied, "Gore on television."

"Definitely."

"Of course."

"I should've known," Lily said, sitting down to watch the rest of her soap opera.

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**A/N:** How'd you like it? I suck at endings. Sorry. Haha. Anyway. Go hit the periwinkle button that says "go"! Then talk about how your day's been. What happened in science? I love random reviews. Or reviews that go off on tangents. Haha.

Hope you liked it!

Love,

Sinead


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